Credit Crunch Humour

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewellery, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use

My Zimbio

These ought to be in the Oxford Dictionary

A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle..

A place where women curl up and dye.

Someone who is fed up with people.

The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

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Wall Street jokes

The problem with investment bank balance sheets is that on the left side nothing is right and on the right side nothing is left.

For Geography students: What's the capital of Iceland? Answer: About Three Pounds Fifty...

A trader: "This is worse than a divorce. I've lost half my net worth and I still have a wife."

Lehman have changed their recommendation on Lehman from hold to sell.

Forty years ago I sold fifty shares of my company stock and had enough money to purchase a brand-new 1967 Ford pick-up. Last week, I checked it out, and if I sold another fifty shares, I'd have enough money to buy a 1967 Ford pick-up. So, the market has stabilized.

A man walks into a bank, walks up to the mortgage manager and says, "I want a loan to buy a house. I am not sure what the house is worth, I have no down payment and I just lost my job." The manager replies, "Sign right here."

Just an ordinary day on the markets:

Directory of Humor Blogs

PR joke

A PR man died and found himself before the Pearly Gates. St Peter looked at him for a while and said: "It's hard to judge in your case. On the one hand you led a pretty good life. You gave to the poor, you comforted the sick, you were a good father and a loyal husband. On the other hand, you were a PR man. It's hard to know where you belong. I'll tell you what, I'll let you decide."

With that, St Pete summoned up a large winged chap dressed all in white. "Hi, I'm Michael. I'll be your guide round heaven today".

So the PR man followed Michael through the gates. On the other side were banks of fluffy white clouds. On each cloud sat a person with a harp. The PR man touched one on the shoulder and said: "What's it like here? What do you do all day?"

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New dollar

New one dollar banknote


One ...

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